When Loss Changes Everything: Understanding and Healing Grief
What is Grief?
Grief is the natural emotional response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or something deeply meaningful. It’s a complex process that affects people emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually. It is an internal experience of loss — the pain, sorrow, confusion, or numbness that comes when something important is gone or changed. Healthy grief is painful but gradually becomes more manageable. Grief is the internal experience (thoughts, feelings, pain) while mourning is the external expression (rituals, talking, crying, memorials). Though painful, grief has functions. Grief is love. It honors the depth of our love and connection. It helps us adapt to life without what was lost. It also helps us release the emotions instead of suppressing them, allowing space for meaning-making and eventual healing. It most commonly follows the death of a loved one, but can also arise from:
The end of a relationship or friendship
Loss of a job or career
Miscarriage or infertility
Illness or disability
Loss of identity or sense of self
Moving or immigration
World events
There are various ways grief shows up, and everyone grieves differently. David Kessler, a grief expert I trained with says, “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed.” Some of the common symptoms of grief are:
Emotional symptoms:
Sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety
Numbness or disbelief
Relief (especially after long illness)
Yearning or longing
Physical symptoms:
Fatigue or exhaustion
Sleep disturbances
Appetite changes
Aches, tight chest, nausea
Mental symptoms:
Confusion, memory problems
Intrusive thoughts
Questioning beliefs or meaning
Behavioral/spiritual symptoms:
Withdrawal or isolation
Seeking rituals or meaning
Changed relationship with faith/spirituality
Grief is a process and isn’t something you “get over”, but something you learn to live with. It changes over time — from acute, painful waves to a more integrated presence in your life. You don’t move on from grief. You move forward with it. Healthy grief is painful but gradually becomes more manageable. Complicated (or prolonged) grief is when the pain remains intense and unrelenting over a long time, interfering with daily life. This may require professional support. Sometimes there are old wounds, guilt, or complicated relationship dynamics that can make grief harder. If you want to be proactive in your grief and heal with intention, I can help. If you are noticing that your grief feels complicated, I can also help. EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) is a treatment modality I am trained in, particularly related to grief. We can work through the disturbing aspects of grief to allow the natural grief process to have plenty of space to do what it knows how to do. I also offer a safe space to be able to hold the most intense and distressing aspects of your loss.
